Silent Success Killers
How we subconsciously sabotage our own success, and what to do about it
Hate to break it to you but you are the only thing standing in the way of your own success. Yep. And if you just thought of a bunch of reasons for why this isn’t true, then you’ve just proved my point.
Self-sabotage occurs when our actions consciously or unconsciously prevent us from reaching our goals. It's a complex phenomenon rooted in our fears, beliefs, and past experiences. At its core, self-sabotage is an intricate dance between wanting to move forward and being afraid to do so.
How you are self-sabotaging
1. Fear of Failure It's ironic how the dread of failing causes us to engage in behaviors that hinder our progress. Whether it's procrastination, avoiding risks, or not trying at all, fear of failure keeps us playing small. How can we address this? By reframing failure as a necessary step toward learning and growth, not as a final destination. I talk about this at length in my Substack article.
2. Perfectionism This trait can be a double-edged sword. Striving for excellence is commendable, but when it morphs into perfectionism, it can paralyze us. Perfectionists often struggle to complete tasks because they're never quite "perfect." The antidote? Embrace "good enough." Set realistic standards and allow yourself to learn from each step forward, perfect or not. Perfectionism is like that annoying guest at a party who just won’t leave. It’s time to show it the door. Perfection is an illusion, a mirage in the professional desert. And it is often tied to our own relationship to worthiness.
3. Negative Self-Talk This is an area where I’ve found that using Internal Family Systems in my practice really shines. While our inclination might be to tell our inner voices to STFU, a better approach is to get to know the voices, understand what they are trying to do for us (usually, they’re trying to protect us but they’re operating from an immature and outdated set of information), and then compassionately give them a cozy seat at the back of the car so that you (your real Self) can take the wheel. If you’ve seen Inside Out 2, you’ve got a great image for how this works.
4. Poor Boundary Setting If you're saying yes when you really mean no, you're not only building resentment but also diverting energy away from your true goals. Learning to set and maintain clear boundaries is crucial for success and personal well-being. Thinking you can do it all is a fools errand and if you don’t pay for it now, you’ll pay for it tomorrow. What is the inner voice that is preventing you from having good boundaries trying to tell you about your own ideas of self worth?
5. Imposter Syndrome Feeling like a fraud is exceedingly common, especially among high achievers. This phenomenon can prevent talented individuals from pursuing opportunities due to a fear of being "exposed." How do we combat this? By collecting and revisiting positive feedback and successes to internalize our accomplishments. Also, by connecting with the inner voice that is trying to protect us from whatever unknown lies at the edge of our success.
7. Saying “Yes” to Everything Stop being a yes-person. Overcommitting doesn’t make you a superhero; it makes you a tired one. Prioritize, and invest your energies wisely. This is a form of poor boundary setting and people pleasing, again both of which ultimately come down to how you see yourself in relation to others, your work, and your worth.
8. Not Taking Help Why struggle alone when you can achieve so much more with a little support? Help is often right there, literally waiting for us to grab it. People are willing to help. Your team, your boss, your community are all willing to help. If someone asked me for help, I would be thrilled to have been chosen for this highest honor. So why are we depriving others of being a part of our success? Is it pride? Is it fear? Is it our internalized hyper-individualistic capitalist mindset that says we should be able to pull ourselves up by our boot straps and make it all happen? Yes, and it’s all a lie. No one has ever been successful in isolation. Not a single person. Unconvinced? Read Outliers by Malcom Gladwell and then let’s talk.
9. Values Misalignment You might be the best and most skilled person at your company or in your work but if your work is not aligned to your values, you are willingly keeping yourself small. Your values are the hammer that can break through any ceiling and to not use them is to run the race with a 10lb weight tied around your ankles.
10. Short-Term Comforts Procrastinating? Avoiding difficult conversations? These are comfort foods for your psyche—satisfying now but detrimental in the long run. Opt for the healthier choice, even if it’s tougher to swallow. And along the way, ask yourself what beliefs are fueling these behaviors, what identity are you resting on, and what identity do you want to embody (and then what behaviors and changes are required to get there). So much of our success comes down to habits - both physical and mental - but this wont shift until you decide to BE the person that succeeds.
If any of this makes you uncomfortable, good. It’s supposed to. Discomfort is the first step towards real change. I'm not here to coddle; I want you to be the best version of yourself. So, let’s start a conversation— Tell me, what are your self-sabotage stories? How are you planning to tackle them?
Steps to Overcome Self-Sabotage
The first step is awareness. Recognize these behaviors in your daily life and understand their triggers. Practice mindfulness to stay present and make conscious choices rather than falling into old, self-defeating patterns.
Next, set up systems that counteract these tendencies. This could be as simple as a daily check-in with yourself or as structured as therapy or coaching sessions. Surround yourself with a support network that holds you accountable and mirrors your worth back to you.
Finally, form new relationships with your inner world. Your inner voices that fuel your behaviors are all trying to help you. Get to know them, offer them compassion, and learn to be Self led.
And if you’re ready to really kick this for good, maybe it’s time we talk one-on-one. Sign up for coaching, and let’s get those obstacles out of your way—for real this time.
Until next time,
Catalina